A Moment With: Haute Hippie Bradshaw

The second I sat down with a huge bar of mint-flavored organic dark chocolate and the latest issue of Elle Magazine (by the way, Gwen Stefani looks like a modern day Greek goddess in that pure white Michael Kors dress on the cover), I knew I was going to have a total Carrie Bradshaw moment. So here it is.

Halfway through my careful inch-by-inch reading of Elle's glossy pages, I suddenly had the urge to sit in front of my computer and wax poetic about -- what else do they discuss on Sex And The City? -- men and relationships (minus Carrie's cute Mac laptop, New York City apartment and incredibly witty, rhetorical intro).

The reason for this urge for a written purge is two-fold. One has to do with [redacted] [redacted] -- sorry 'bout that, kids, it's a bit too personal -- while two has to do with Valentine's Day being just around the corner and romance being in the air.

For the record, I haven't had a real Valentine in about two years -- I'm not ashamed to admit it and I'm not embarassed, it's simply just fact. And a "Happy V-day" text message (misspelled to boot) from a very emotionally unavailable ex-boyfriend in 2005 does not count.

But here's the real issue I wish to discuss: what do men really want in a woman?

This is my take on things, some of it gleaned from personal experience and some of it gleaned from conversations with close girlfriends in the company of copious amounts of vino (red and/or white).

Men always say they want an independent, fun, intelligent, witty, sexy but not slutty, stylish and ambitious girl who has her own life, doesn't take sh*t from anyone, tolerates (if not enjoys) watching sports, is fantastic in the sack, drinks the occasional brewski, enjoys a real meal (Note: vinaigrette salads are not real meals) and gets along with their friends and family.

Then you come along, fulfilling that wish list to at least 90% to 95%. You meet at the bar, via friends, through work or by chance (happened to me at Save-On-Foods in 1997). Sparks fly, physical chemistry is hot, all's well, his buddies love you and good times are had all around. Perfect-o, right?

The next thing you know, phone calls grow non-existent and texts get less frequent. You make up excuses for his dodgy behavior, then start over-analyzing every single thing you did and said...or didn't do and didn't say. The Ms. "I-Got-It-Going-On" you goes into -- gasp! -- psycho girl mode and you hate every moment of it.

To top it off, the next thing you hear is he's with another girl who seems very nice, but just doesn't seem as awesome as you. What gives??

In a time of uber-feminism, you'd think women would be moving forward in terms of finding the right guy and relationship. Knowing I'm not the only girl with this exact same problem, it only seems like we're moving backwards -- or at the very least, staying in the same place. Call me cynical, call me guarded, call me wary but it seems that a good bulk of men eventually go for women who are just simply easier to deal with.

Shame on me, I shouldn't generalize. I do know a few guys -- emotionally and mentally mature ones -- that respect the female psyche, but you know what? They're already taken, sometimes by girls equally as awesome as they are, and sometimes not. I wish I had a magical solution for finding the right mate for me and for every gal out there like me.

For now, I'll keep doing my thing. I figure I'll just know when he comes along.

And in the meantime -- to cope with this dilemma-- here's a little five-step program that's helped me in the past:

1. Pick up the book "He's Just Not That Into You" by Liz Tuccillo and Greg Behrendt (former writers for Sex And The City...coincidence much?).

2. Read from start to finish.

3. Laugh your arse off at situations in the book that you've found yourself in many a-time and marvel at how knowing the phrase "he's just not that into you" beforehand could have saved you from so much grief.

4. Banish from your mind the guy who's been plaguing your thoughts.

5. Call up your best girlfriends for a night on the town, because one thing's for sure -- they'll always, always love you.

Repeat if necessary.


xo
Haute Hippie


PS. So where's my phone again??